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April Fools, with the naughty bits explained!

By JW Dowey - 02 Apr 2015 9:48:52 GMT
April Fools, with the naughty bits explained!

There are dragons awaking as the globe is warming, but it’s only in editors’ minds as they dream of fake blonde queens! Plumed Basilisk image; Credit: © Shutterstock

It is now April 2nd. Here is an abnormal remit, but the extensive attempts to mock and fool in the age-old April Fools’ Day (poissons d’Avril) nonsensicals (1st April) should always be watched for humour as well as biting satire. Former names for such days were the Indian Holi Festival and the ancient Roman Hilaria.

From our own domain, Nature inferred dragons would be woken by global warming. The editors are obviously anticipating the forthcoming Game of Thrones epic. I’m afraid that these reptiles would all become male as their habitat warmed, so their extinction would soon be down to a lack of lady dragons! Another idea was that “novel” snore-detection concealed within bookmarks will prevent you from falling asleep at unwanted moments during speeches or while reading boring novels.

Our favourite Guardian newspaper may be joining the really big divestors from oil, coal and gas, hopefully pushing the Gates Foundation to do the same ( not April Fool of course), but for the day, they had a dig at poor old Jeremy Clarkson (the one person you hope never to know.) They cruelly claimed he would make up for punching somebody’s lights out by doing the same for renewable energy, road safety and cultural tolerance. I doubt if he’s ever been on the Earth Hour site.

The UK was famous once for featuring their famed broadcaster whose sons inherit his BBC-ness. Dimbleby, nearly 60 years ago, featured the spaghetti tree harvest from Switzerland, while any April Fool should know it’s in Si(lly)cily! The British would also replace the Queen with Helen Mirren on the £10 note. The key to successful April Fools is believability. Greeks were joking about replacing their Euro with bitcoin, whereas drachma would be the only currency to attract people to drag their gold from under the bed.

The US had a rather lame attempt to persuade people that America doesn’t read anymore, by asking them not to comment on the story, thereby discovering want people have to say. In Vermont the joke was to recycle an ice rink into frozen (edible) treats to be called Catamount ice, manufactured in the manner of Hawaian shaved ice.

Perhaps Slovakia had the best usable idea: TV show for insomniacs consisted of roughly 897 sheep. They would be more fruitfully occupied using a new Google Glass for online dating.

Don’t forget these are hoaxes, apart from the divestment(s)!!! I’m quite worried about that. To be honest, the jokes in our pollution portfolio are equally hard to separate as fact or fiction.