The most important subject for Spain to consider is food. Generally speaking, conference types would rather die than be seen in a generic place like McDonald's. Not because the food tastes bad, offers little nutrition and makes you fat, that'd make too much sense. The problem is that professional conference-goers pride themselves on eating "local" food.

Often, as it turns out, they don't like the indigenous ingredients or the styles of preparation locals enjoy, but that shouldn't discourage Spain for even a second. Every restaurant in Madrid should either claim to serve regional specialties or position themselves as a place where locals love to dine. It doesn't make a difference if it is true. Conference attendees just want to believe they are in the know and have the inside track on where the natives are.

Another important consideration is souvenirs. I just pray that the folks in Spain don't make the same mistake the Qataris made at last November's WTO conference. I saw dozens, if not hundreds of diplomats, delegates and journalists wandering the streets of Doha trying to find something to take to folks back at the home office, perhaps to prove they were in that marvelously sandy country. Problem was that the locals didn't understand what ya'll want.

Rather than a T-shirt with "Doha, Qatar" emblazoned across it, conference goers want handicrafts. If it is not handmade, preferably by oppressed, disadvantaged local folks, you just don't seem interested at all. That was the problem with Qatar. As far as I can tell, the only things made there were oil, natural gas and petroleum derivatives like plastic. So much for a clever curio for your daughter.

The locals in Durban really got this part. They dragged colorful baskets, carved wooden bowls and beaded jewelry right up to the edge of the conference center at last September's UN racism shindig. I heard one vendor laughing with a friend and mentioning "they love it when you say it was made by poor locals."

Finally, host countries like Spain have to make fun activities readily available. Here in Monterrey-like everywhere else these circus-like international conferences take place-virtually everyone feels a nagging obligation to check out the local scene and see what makes these Mexicans tick. Problem is it's not easy to find.

Just yesterday I cruised around town looking for a museum and was disappointed to learn that all are closed on Mondays. One day is fine. But a cab driver told me that the modern art museum is closed all week long. Equally disappointing, a concierge told me that the prehistoric Garcia Caves are also closed this week "for the holiday," which I understand is the arrival of Spring on Wednesday.

"You should go next week," she sweetly suggested. Lotta good that does us. I'd bet my bottom peso you'll be long gone by next week. I do hope the folks in Spain call me. I'd love to help the businesses in Madrid figure out how to increase the percentage of gross personal income you'll drop in that magical city from .22 percent to .7 percent. I'm sure you understand, I'm just making up numbers.