Celebrity Divorce Attorney Poses Questions to Parents who Engage in Custody Battles

LOS ANGELES, Sept. 6  /PRNewswire/ -- Stacy D. Phillips, celebrity divorce attorney who represents the soon-to-be ex of Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, Bobby Brown and many high profile individuals and celebrities, and also author of Divorce: It's All About Control-How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars, cautions parents who are fighting over their children to consider the impact it has on their offspring. In the wake of the Dina and Michael Lohan fiasco over the custody fight of their two minor children, Dakota, 11, and Aliana, 13, Phillips suggests parents step back and do some serious soul searching.

Phillips asserts that when custody battles are fierce it is always the children who bear the brunt of the "divorce wars." "Hopefully, the Lohans will stick to their agreed upon plan because when custody fights continue the pain and suffering minor children are forced to endure can last a lifetime," Phillips says. Phillips a long-time child advocate poses the following questions and admonishments to the any couple fighting over custody:

  1.  How soon before your children begin acting out? Typically, children
      who suffer at the hands of parents who are in a tug 'o war over them,
      ultimately seek out ways to release and vent their frustration,
      ambivalence and/or embarrassment. The minor Lohan children will
      undoubtedly be no exception.
  2.  What is it you are teaching your children?  The old adage, "children
      learn what they live," is a concept Lohan's parents may want to think
      about long and hard.  If they openly demonstrate angry and vindictive
      behavior, their children may one day follow suit as they go about
      handling discord in their own personal relationships.
  3.  What impact are you having when you "diss" one another to the
      children?: Despite what Michael and Dina  might say to defend their
      respective positions, if either of them says anything derogatory to
      the children about the other parent, the children suffer a real and
      deep psychological blow. What that parent is doing is really confusing
      and hurting the child for the child is made up of one-half of each
      parent.
  4.  Why air your dirty laundry in public? It is hard enough on the
      children to see their parents fighting, but when their battles are
      played out in the press it makes it doubly hard. Each time the Lohans
      used the media to issue their list of grievances and itemize their
      differences the children were bound to feel humiliated. Imagine how
      children must feel when going to school knowing that all his or her
      friends have heard or read about his/her parent's squabbles.
  5.  Could you be doing something more productive with your time? The time
      and energy spent battling it out with an ex can be better spent
      nurturing the children's needs. Time spent arguing or plotting
      vindictive strategies robs the children of time and attention they
      desperately need. This is especially true for tweens and teens that
      need parental guidance more than ever at such formative stages in
      their lives.
  6.  If you are getting therapy, is it really working?: If your therapist
      or guide is not helping to keep you above the fray and/or trying to
      help you get on with your life, find another trusted mental health
      professional.
  7.  Have you thought about what it is like to walk around in your
      children's shoes? Take just one day and focus on how you would feel if
      you were your children. Many parents cannot think beyond their own
      anger and need to win in a divorce war to even consider what it might
      be like for the children they are raising, even for 24 hours! Try it.
      It should be a real eye opener.
  8.  Isn't it time for a truce?: Knowing that no one person ever really
      "wins" in a divorce war; that everyone pays a price and that more
      discord will only beget more chaos and strife for the children, isn't
      it time to call the war off? Everyone involved will win. Only engage
      in a legal battle when it is absolutely necessary. Most divorce court
      battles over children are not.
  9.  Are you serious about mediation? You may not like the court-appointed
      mediator, and if not, find one of your own. There are hundreds within
      the legal community who are spectacular at helping parents come to
      reasonable solutions for handling their custody arrangements so the
      children do not feel caught in the middle. Find one you both like and
      get down to business!
  10. Have you asked yourself if the divorce war in which you are engaged is
      about you or your children? Divorce wars, even when a custody battle
      seems to be the core issue, can often be more about the parent's
      issues that have nothing to do with the children. Are you engaged in a
      legal battle to get back at your ex or are you sincerely in a custody
      fight because you feel being in one is in the children's best
      interests? A true and honest answer to this question could be very
      enlightening.




Stacy D. Phillips, managing partner of Phillips, Lerner, Lauzon & Jamra, LLP, in Century City, CA, is available for further comment by request.  For more on Stacy Phillips, visit http://www.controlyourdivorce.com/. 

Phillips, Lerner, Lauzon & Jamra, LLP